[Burning Empires] Grinding Gears on Beliefs
schlafmanko:
Besides the things that other people have mentioned, I wonder if part of the problem could be that Josh has ego bound up in making his own character himself. If you feel like you can't come up with anything cool on your own (thus proving that you're an inadequate human being), or if you feel like other people might think you can't come up with anything cool on your own, then you get defensive when people try to help. Furthermore, approaching character creation as if your worth as a gamer were on the line makes it unfun and harder to finish quickly, so sometimes you do go all passive aggressive about it and buy out of the process where you can.
I got twinges of that when my group started Burning Empires this Fall after we'd been playing mechanically lighter indie games for about a year. It's old baggage: For several years after I first started gaming, I felt like I had to make my own character and do it well in order to prove that I was a player in my own right and not just somebody's girlfriend. I suppose that last part probably isn't relevant to Josh, but there might be something analogous going on if he feels like people think he rode his brother's coat-tails into the game or if he feels like he's competing with his brother on some level, whether due to sibling rivalry or a past full of gamism.
Let me know if any of this actually sounds relevant, and I'll tell you about how I talked myself out of that headspace when I caught myself getting defensive during BE character creation.
Christina
Bret Gillan:
Hey guys, I really appreciate the point on Josh perhaps not wanting to play in a game using Beliefs. He and I have gamed together for a long time now. Thinking about it now, if I had to guess I think Christina has the right of it. I think he's struggling with Beliefs because, well, my group has struggled with Beliefs with every Burning game we've run though we're improving, and I think he's sensitive to attempts to help. Just in case, though, I'll be sure to check in with him away from the group and make sure he's cool with playing and that he's clear on the system.
schlafmanko:
If Josh might be sensitive about being slower than the rest of the group, then when you have that conversation, you want to avoid talking as if slowness itself were a problem. I don't see you saying slow = bad, but some of your phrasing seems to be edging in that direction, so I figure I'd mention it, just in case. As someone who's chronically slow on creating characters, I'd say that it doesn't matter unless it's a symptom of something else that's making the process unpleasant or unless it has specific negative effects.
So let's suppose Josh's slowness here bugs him. Let's also say one of the reasons it bugs him is because he sees it as part of a larger pattern in character creation, and because he's giving that pattern a negative meaning of some sort that's also giving him personal stakes in how character creation goes. I suspect it may be hard to talk about problems specific to BE without defusing the overarching narrative first. If he interprets everything you're saying about BE in light of the general pattern, then you'll be talking at cross-purposes. There are three ways to get around that -- attack the existence of the pattern, bracket the pattern as irrelevant to the current conversation, or change what the pattern means -- but the third one strikes me as the best bet.
Here's how I interpret my slowness: I know that one reason I'm slow coming up with beliefs is that there are factors important to me in character creation that are less important to other players, so I am potentially engaged in a more complicated activity than they are. Plus the other players in my group have GMed more, so even though I've spent as much time gaming as most of them, they have vastly more experience creating characters than I do. So I tell myself that of course they'll take less time at it, and that doesn't reflect on me in any meaningful way. When I'm in Josh's position, I also feel happier soliciting suggestions from other people if I know they value my input on their characters, too. (it defuses the narrative that I'm less cool or less equal than the other people at the table) I don't suppose any of that's useful to you directly. My point is that if the topic of slowness comes up, it might help further communication if the two of you decide on a safe, non-negative general explanation for it. Once there's nothing else at stake, it'll be easier to bring up anything that's causing particular problems.
Oh the speculation,
Christina
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