Baxil's Game Thread
Baxil:
Just a note to add that I've spent some time cleaning up Egregore post-submission - fixing some glaring errors (like how many Willpower you start with), elucidating a few unclear rules, reworking the index, and subtly improving the formatting. (I kept it mechanically identical to the original, but I'm still glad that post-judging editing was sanctioned by the head chef; the changes really help.)
I've got a better game summary now, too!
Quote
With your magic, you committed an act for which you were exiled - not just from your home, but from reality itself. Now, in this cursed world of your own making, you have found companions, and a deserted city. You all must discover the city's secrets, and decide its fate, before your subconscious manifestations drive you over the edge.
Egregore is about characters' journey toward redemption, and plays like the bastard child of Sorceror, Universalis, and Wraith: The Oblivion. Its setting is drawn from the underside of The Tomorrowlands Universe, but the game is trivially adaptable to any setting with active magic.
The new version is at http://www.tomorrowlands.org/gaming/Egregore_v1_by_Baxil.pdf (the actual Game Chef submission remains at its original URL).
I also plan to continue posting extra Egregore resources at http://www.tomorrowlands.org/gaming - I reckon it would help the game to post some pre-made Manifestations, sample gameplay, or expanded discussion of Epiphanies. Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see!
devlin1:
Quote from: baxil on September 28, 2010, 03:59:37 PM
(I kept it mechanically identical to the original, but I'm still glad that post-judging editing was sanctioned by the head chef; the changes really help.)
Wow, I had no idea we could do that. I'm going to give Jonathan a heads up and upload my current version, then.
Baxil:
Quote from: devlin1 on September 28, 2010, 06:24:33 PM
Wow, I had no idea we could do that. I'm going to give Jonathan a heads up and upload my current version, then.
What he said was "once I’ve reviewed your game, it seems like you should be able to update it ... people may want to keep working on their games and it seems silly to make people play less good versions just to make the contest more 'fair' or whatever."
So I don't expect him to judge my game based on my revisions, but I do hope it improves the experience of my players!
devlin1:
Yeah, same here. My submitted draft has some inconsistencies and doesn't always exactly meet the reader halfway, but the continued work I did on it really made it more complete. I suppose it won't make a difference if it isn't a finalist, but... whatever.
Jason Pitre:
Review of Egregore
I am in the process of reading through the pdf as I write, so I am providing my comments in a stream-of-consciousness fashion. I hope these comments are helpful in the revision process.
Comment 1: The inclusion of "Skin" and "Edges" doesn't quite feel in line with the rest of the proper nouns used in the game and thus it stands out somewhat. It is implemented well, but it doesn't quite feel natural to me.
Comment 2: The organization of the "Self" and "Drives" elements seem somewhat arbitrary, in that I don't really sense the underlying structure between what is part of the Self and what is a Drive. If I was producing the same game myself, I would either bring them together in the same category or divide them differently. Damnation, Sin and Guilt, all being related to the initial act which led to the exile, seem to be ideal to be grouped together. The other elements of Skin, Attachment, Need and Fear are more personal elements of the character's underlying self which seem closer together. If the character had not earned their exile, they would only have the later category.
Comment 3: When a character is banished to a mental landscape where will controls all, why does physical competency matter? It seems that in the City, a character's physical athletics and physical combat capabilities would be unnecessary. Personally I believe that limiting traits to the strictly mental or social could work out. I would tend to smooth away the details, assume that the flavour of any action might be "with magic" and have more broad categories such as "Building", "Changing", "Destroying", "Conflict". Then again, this is just my tendency for abstraction speaking at this point.
Comment 4: There seems to be a bit too much mechanical complexity, somewhat detracting from the appreciation of the heavy narrative elements of the game. I am a systems junkie so I understand the appeal of using some of those elements, but I think a more... economical use of mechanical crunch would be ideal.
Comment 5: In contrast with comment 4 above, I am a big fan of your explanations of "What to do when you own a scene". I think it might be worthwhile elaborating on this content and expanding it at the expense of some of the other mechanics. Explanations of scene framing and the need for conflict is particularly handy.
Comment 6: The GM content is good as well, generally useful content which I think could encourage good gameplay. You may wish to elaborate exactly how "It is possible for experienced roleplayers to distribute the City role between themselves, so that every
participant has a Mage,". Some guidelines on that shared GM role could be useful in the GM section.
Overall: A very strong thematic and conceptual design, but one which requires a very specific audience to appreciate it. This is _far_ from a light beer and pretzels game and it can be hard to organize a game of that seriousness. There are some strong threads within the game, but I don't think that it's current iteration is quite for me at the moment.
Cheers, I hope this is helpful in some way.
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