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46709 Posts in 5588 Topics by 13297 Members Latest Member: - Shane786 Most online today: 36 - most online ever: 429 (November 03, 2007, 04:35:43 AM)
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Author Topic: Snowy Mountain Syndrome  (Read 2428 times)
Jason Petrasko
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« Reply #15 on: April 12, 2012, 08:53:19 AM »

Thanks for looking it over! It is just under 3k words now, and I have to talk about two or three parts of play yet, so some of the important fluff will be trimmed on the first page most likely.

I too am looking forward to the supplemental material, as that is what I'm going to crank out today. I think I'll be able to have the full 20 scene cue sheets, 8 history worksheets, 12 character definitions, and the tracking sheet ready for this version. If not, I'll try and trim down the history and character definitions. I don't think I can go less that 20 scene cues, and it would also break the die roll system for getting random cues ;)

Really though, I'm most impressed with the way the rolling system and currency tracks just slipped right together. I only hope I explained it satisfactorily in the limited word allotment :)
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BlazmoIntoWowee
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Posts: 21


« Reply #16 on: April 12, 2012, 01:13:10 PM »

I noticed some typos/errors:

"That's when the storm turns north and the start to pray.

 "In order to get started, you’ll need some gear. a single six-sided die. First you need a single six-sided die, this is the cube that comes in your common game boxes, and a twenty-sided die."

"and spend a Wits or Spirit to treat the roll as a success"

Also, to save words, why not skip the explanation of d6 and d20.  If you want to market it later you can put it back in, but everyone who might download it will know what those are and how to get them,

I found the "die" and "many-faced die" terms sort of confusing.  When I'm skimming or referencing I'd much rather see d6 or d20.

Overall seems pretty clear so far!
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Jason Petrasko
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Posts: 93

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« Reply #17 on: April 13, 2012, 08:13:53 AM »

Thanks! I hope I'll have enough time before the deadline to give it a solid proofread and a bit of a rewrite!

I think there is some confusion about how you handle some of the specific mechanics cued situations (Epiphany, Crisis, when things go horribly wrong, and so on) but these are supposed to be works in progress after all, not ready-to-publish texts. Also, I'm running out of words :)

The thing I hope if that once you can see all the supplementary play sheets, that all the themes will be totally obvious. I mean the fruitful void I'm targeting here is the breakdown of society when faced with a no-win scenario and in specific, what shakes loose ;) There is already plenty of fiction that explores this, mostly horror genre, like King's Dreamcatcher and Carpenter's The Thing and so on - I could list pages I'd wager if I thought hard enough.
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Jason Petrasko
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Posts: 93

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« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2012, 03:54:06 PM »

Ok, so I've started on the supplementary material needed to print out and play. Here are the first two character definitions.

http://wishray.com/sms/character%20definitions.pdf

Are these enough of a stub to make them playable and spark creativity? I think so but I'd like opinions.
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Jason Petrasko
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Posts: 93

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« Reply #19 on: April 14, 2012, 03:57:57 PM »

If you are PDF allergic, here are images:

http://wishray.com/sms/character%20definitions_Page_1.jpg

http://wishray.com/sms/character%20definitions_Page_2.jpg
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Jason Petrasko
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Posts: 93

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« Reply #20 on: April 15, 2012, 07:16:25 PM »

In before the bell! 45 minutes to spare in EST :) Its 3300 words, best I could manage to cut it too :( With supplementary material though its 45 DAMN PAGES. DAMN. DOUBLE DAMN. Well if quantity wins I think I'm in the running <.<

http://wishray.com/sms/sms%20-%20the%20gc%20edition.pdf
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