Sci-Fi RPG Backstory - Proofreaders Needed

[MercenaryX]

I am creating some portfolio work for a project I call Astronovus and I need some people willing to read a four page backstory (written kind of like a wikipedia entry or history textbook - no dialogue, just a general progression of events).  While reading this, I would like to know what you think, what your reactions are, corrections that need to be made, or questions that you may have.  Any piece of feedback would let me know how to press forward from where I am, but also keep in mind its a rough draft, its going to have flaws.  I appreciate any assistance that Forge members could lend me :-)

Here is a link to download the PDF http://www.mediafire.com/?g68td365tm1om60

Thanks everyone :-)

[gtroc]

Well, having read through it, I have to say it does read as you describe it. It is much like a Wikipedia article. I did find it a bit dragging at times, though that may be just a personal preference and not an actual statement of quality. On first blush, I am interested in the setting. However, and this is preference, I think that it could be cut down a bit. Four pages of encyclopaedic text is a bit much for me. Maybe add some anecdotes or quotes to spice it up, add flavor.

[MercenaryX]

Four pages of encyclopaedic text is a bit much for me. Maybe add some anecdotes or quotes to spice it up, add flavor.

Thanks :-)  I wasn't sure if writing in an encyclopedia style was the right way or not and I kept holding myself back from delving too deeply into anecdotal details.  I hadn't realized before that it was that dry - maybe writing a little more on the side of a short story would be more engrossing - thanks gtroc! :-)